Isn't that kind of Racist?

“Isn’t that kind of Racist?” Feb.11th,2010

I was on the bus today reading this book I'm currently enthralled in titled, Don't Play in the Sun: One Woman's Journey Through the Color Complex by Marita Golden. This woman saw the book and asked what it was about and I explained to her it was about the issue of skin-tone amongst black women. She then continued to ask me questions about why I'm reading it, about myself and what I do. I told her I work mainly with young black girls instilling in them a sense of self-love and an awareness of their worth and that my ultimate goal is to uplift black women. And then she looks at me somewhat shocked but understanding and says," Why are you only concerned about self-love and the well-being of black women, and not all women, isn't that kind of racist?" The bus had just arrived at my stop, when she asked the question, so I had to get off the bus before I could respond. As I walked to Trader Joe's, I thought about her question, and I could see where she was coming from, why she and other women would probably think the same thing.

Then I begin to feel a little bit on the defensive, I felt my shoulders tense and thought to myself, who is this white woman(being that we are in San Francisco, she could of been any ethnicity, I just know she wasn't black) to tell me I'm being racist, with her long stringy hair!!! And then it hit me(mainly because I'm reading a book about self-love and colorism amongst black people, especially women),aside from being a black woman, that anger right there, is why I focus on black women, specifically young black women. Immediately, I attacked her in my mind because she was WHITE she had LONG and STRINGY hair. Does it really come down to image when it is in regard to self-love of black women? No, of course not, but everything else in the world tells us differently.

Am I concerned about all women, of course I am. But why do I need to focus on uplifting you and telling you, that you are beautiful when everything in this society does it everyday?!! I don't mean to bunch all non-black women together, but in this case I'm going to have to, because for the most part they all have LONG STRINGY hair. Don't get me wrong, all women have their own set of problems, whether it be poverty, abuse, drugs, children, or self-love issues and I empathize with them, but my concern is with black women, especially young black women.

I was fortunate enough to have a family that always told me I was pretty, cute or beautiful, even at my worst. Had it not been for my family, however divided we may have been, I would have been one of those girls that was going from man to man needing him to tell me I was beautiful. I would have been one of those girls that fought everyday because I didn't know another way to deal with the internal ugliness I felt. I would have stayed the girl I was in high school until 12th grade that walked around trying not to make eye contact with anyone. It wasn't because I didn't feel pretty, or I didn't have friends, because I was involved in a lot stuff in high school and I had friends. It was because I didn't feel black enough, therefore I didn't feel good enough for anything!! This is why I focus black women.



I can't even count how many times throughout my life someone has called me "White-washed" or what’s worst, how many times I've said it to myself and used it as justification for how I've acted in some situations. This is why I focus on black women, because we have gotten so used to people putting us down, we do it to ourselves, without even thinking sometimes. I'll be the first to admit that growing up I had very few close black girlfriends(especially in high school, which is where the most damage occurs to a person's sense of self), and I used to tell myself it was because they were too "ghetto" or they thought I wasn't black enough(which in many cases that was the reason).But really deep down inside, I didn't want to be around them because then I was like them, and the world wouldn't approve and besides I wasn't "Black enough" so what did it matter? This is why I focus on black women. Society has taught us to hate ourselves and our sisters, and when I say sisters I mean every shade of black women, from the lightest to the darkest. There aren't billboards, television ads, or music videos that tell us everyday that we are beautiful, because WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!! This is why I focus on black women.

I do it for the dark-skin girl that thinks she isn't good enough because all the dark-skin men are with light-skin women. I do it for the light-skin girl that thinks she is only good enough to be arm candy. I do it for the black women that say they don't date black men and for the black women that only date black men, because you are GOOD ENOUGH for anyone!! I do it for the black women whose mothers never told them they were beautiful, because nobody ever told their mothers they were beautiful. I do it for the girl that is told she is not black enough and believes it, I do it for the black girl that is told she it is too "ghetto" and believes it, because you are just as GOD made you, whether it'd be loud or quiet. I do it for myself, because I can't say I love myself, if I don't love my sister that is me. Whether she is "ghetto" or"white-washed", light-skin or dark-skin, we share the same history, pain and resilience of the black woman.

As I write this I think of two verses from two different songs. The first song is by an artist named Rebakah, that wrote a song titled Little Black Girl in the verse she says "Little black girl this a song for you, in case the world is busy and forget to sing to you , they've more important ships to sail like building malls and saving whales, so they don't see that you are the real endangered species." And the other is the hook from one of Talib Kweli's most underrated tracks titled Black Girl Pain "My mama said life would be so hard, growin up days as a black girl scarred, In so many ways though we've come so far, they just know the name they don't know the pain, So please hold your heads up high, don't be ashamed of yourself know I, will carry it forth til the day I die." So to answer her question "Isn't that kind of racist?" Nah, It’s for the love of my beautiful black sistas!

Learning to Fly Again

At this very moment I'm sitting at the kitchen table, in my mother's kitchen,listening to "The Rain Doesn't Last Forever" by Hope,thinking to myself,oh good God what have I gotten myself into. When I made the decision to move back home, there were so many factors involved,one being a guy and that was my mistake, and something I will learn from. In all honestly, I knew months ago that inevitably I'd be right back here at least for six months. I could have stayed in San Francisco and kept my busy social calendar and continued to network and make connections but what good would it have been, if I could never get myself out debt? I could have continued to ignore the bill collectors but where would that have gotten me,but deeper inthe hole I dug for myself,trying to keep up with "the Karshadians". I stayed in SF because my pride wouldn't let me come home and admit that I had messed up,because I was hard-headed and choose not to listen to the advice people gave me when I was in my early twenties.

Understand that at one point I was making very good money but choose not to save it as I should have. Now,Dionne Farris's "Hopeless" plays in the background and two particular verses blares in mind:

"Hello Yesterday, I sure need you now
Goodbye Yesterday, I just can't stay around
You see I cried just a little too long
And now it's time for me to be strong

Hello Yesterday, Remember how it used to be?
Goodbye Yesterday yea, I can't take you with me - no, no, no, I can't
You see I stayed just a little too long
And now it's time for me to move on"

Those are the words of a person that regrets their past decisions but has learned from them. They have made the choice to move on from their mistakes and be strong and take what they learned and apply those lessons to future choices. I can't say that I regret the amazing 11yrs I spent in SF or even the 2months wasted on a guy, that I thought was worth more than he turned out to be. I don't regret them at all, do I wish I hadn't been so hard-headed earlier on and listened to the advice I got from others?Yes. And of course I wish I had gone with my first instincts about this guy, at least I would have had another whole month I could have spent in San Francisco.

In the end, as I sit here writing this post, I think about the kind of person I used to be and the person I am now and I couldn't ask,nor would I want to be, anyone else than the person I am right now at this very moment. I wouldn't want to have been anywhere else than the places I've been. I can't take back the mistakes I made due to my hard-headness....lol. But what I can do is live up to the woman I am today and admit my past mistakes and fix what I can, to make sure my future isn't full of those same mistakes. And I am doing that right now. I hate being back home,in living in my parents home,not because I don't love them,but because I feel as though I've been stripped of my independence, something I worked hard to establish for 11yrs. But what I love even more than I hate having to coming home, is that I was able to put my pride aside and take the steps I needed to create a better life for myself. The reason I love that more than anything, is because It tells me that I'm finally comfortable enough in the woman that I am to understand that sometimes you have to step back to move forward and I have complete faith in myself and in God's Plan for me that I WILL BE JUST FINE!! As I conclude this post, Fantasia's "Even Angels" plays in the background,":

"First step
take a deep breath
you don't need a reason why
you can
you can
take take time
you can
you can
walk, run, dive
Close call
think you might fall
but all you gotta do is try
even angels
even angels
learn to fly "

Thanks Love,come again!
Sincerely,
THAT BLACK GIRL

Let Frogs be Frogs and Princes be A**holes!! And Go Out and find yourself!!

"Instead of making a list for an ideal man, make a list of what you feel
the ideal woman should be and make sure you fit the profile before
critiquing someone else. Never... require what you can’t give in return."-Clutch Magazine Online. I know its been awhile since I've written but this quote really struck a cord with me. Most of us,women, have grown up with the Disney movies and the "Chick Flicks" that tell us that our prince charming is out there and that we may need to kiss a few frogs or possibly find a frog and he'll turn into a prince after a few of our kisses. OH COME ON!!! GET WITH IT!! Ladies maybe the guy is ok with just being a frog and he doesn't want some,self proclaimed(by herself and her daddy) Princess try to turn him into her Prince. Not only that but its quite a daunting task for a princess,I'm just saying. And it would seem to me that hoping to turn a frog into a prince is quite similar to settling, and haven't they always told us NOT TO SETTLE?!!

Now lets talk about these so-called "Princes". First of all, if you go out looking for a Prince believe me you won't find him!! Yes gurl I know!! I've found these so-called "princes" and yeah brothas were fine!!! They were smart, had the finances, the job, the degrees, they got it all. One problem, these men know they got all that!! They also know that us women are looking for that Prince Charming so don't get it twisted,if you think you are getting played by this "Prince" umm...girl...YOU ARE!! And lets keep it 100, these so-called "Princes" they aren't going to regret it when you are gone. You know why because, they know there is another "you",by that I mean self-proclaimed princess looking for her prince, out there.

I'm not giving anyone relationship advice because I'm the last one to give that, I'm awful at committed relationships,hell I'm kind of bad at uncommitted relationships. But I'm bad at those by choice. But over the years the relationship that has approved the most is the one I have with myself. And as that relationship approved I noticed the other relationships approved as well.I was fortunate enough to meet a very nice young man a few years ago,but unfortunately the relationship I had with myself wasn't very good so I only saw him in terms of "Prince or Frog". He is no Frog nor is he a Prince,but he is just fine being exactly who he is, a nice young man.

I suggest we all let go(or at least try) of this idea of the Prince and The Frog. Despite what pop culture and Disney would like us to think, frogs are AMPHIBIANS and if you kiss them you risk getting a pretty nasty rash and princes either wear ALOT OF PURPLE or exist in countries that are NOT AMERICA!!

Honestly not Honest in an Ideal World

So Honestly I can say that I only want to be with sexy chocolate men, But to be honest,it's impossible!!! Ideally yes, I'd like to marry a beautiful chocolate man,but life is far from ideal,which is why life is so much fun!!! Honestly I love everything about black men,their swagger,voice,skin,lips,everything. But to be honest I really do love all men, hints why I've dated just about every race, I mean why not? It's fun,I have fun and learn more about this non-ideal world. I once dated this guy,gorgeous,Viking type tall,redish brown hair,rode a motorcycle,so hot!! We dated for about 3 months,however he had liked me for a two years. Before we started dated,he said to me "you are still searching." I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't really know what he wasn't talking about until maybe a month ago. You see I've been in this "only dating black men" phase. Now anyone who knows me,knows that, for me to do that would be damn near impossible. The more I think about it,the more I realize how closed-minded I've been and become. I love black people, I love being black, I honestly do and to be honest, think black is the most beautiful color skin on the face of this earth,but I also think that LOVE is the best feeling on the face of this earth.

Lets be real, life is way too short to have all these restrictions. Honestly I've found that my life was much more fun and exciting when I had less restrictions. But to be honest, I got myself into quite a few pickles with less restrictions. What i've learned recently though, is this, I can be controlled without having restrictions, as long as I understand that really ultimately I'm not in control. Honestly to be honest, I rather not be in so much control of my life,because that takes too much fun out of it. This particular posting was sparked by a very handsome viking type guy I met the other night and hopefully will meet again.

I know that I'm always complaining about not being able to find a beautiful chocolate man in the city of San Francisco. Though it's true a beautiful chocolate man is hard to come by in the city of San Francisco,but it by no means, means that a good guy is hard to come by in the city of San Francisco.


So though, ideally, I'd like to marry a nicely built chocolate man and have beautiful chocolate babies. I've come to the conclusion nothing in life is ideal.Because no one person is the exact idea of what they'd like to be in this life. And Lets face it folks,there is nothing "ideal" about this nubian in the city.

Thanks Dears and Do come again
That Black Girl!

To All the guys before ME!!!

Dear Guys Chocolate and Non-Chocolate,

I'd like to thank you all for the fun times and the crappy times. Some of you were FANTASTIC kissers some of you, just AWFUL!!! A lot of you were really smart but a select few of you were extremely special ed!! 70% of you dated me for some materialistic reason but thats ok because 80% of you I dated for the same.Many of you have girlfriends,but some of you do not(please refer to last sentence). Not all of you were funny,but a couple of you were hilarious. I don't keep in touch with most of you but,some of you I'm lucky to still have around. A few of you got very lucky and the rest I'm sorry you just didn't have the golden ticket. One of you may have been gay or borderline,but that's alright you were one of my favorites. Now two of you, ok three of you, I would probably still do just about anything for,even though two of you didn't get lucky,it by no means meant you didn't have the golden ticket. Those three of you taught me how to love for the good and the bad,through the hair weaves and perms. Two of you loved me, even with the 5 extra pounds and non-predicured toes. One of the three of you was learning to love along with me and that is probably why you will always be the one I tend to take back,time in and time out. But regardless the three of you will never be replaced!!

Most of you were very fit and only one of you couldn't fit through my door(not in the literal sense). A few of you were religious but most of you were spiritual. One of you I loved to fight with because I rarely won,and I loved challenges, but hated because sometimes I think you just let me win just so I would shut up!! A handful of you, actually got close to knowing who I was,but I've never been the one to be all that I appear to be. I say one thing, and a few of you figured it out, I mean something else entirely. Some of you understood my love for politics, and some of you didn't care much for those politics or my thoughts on them.

All of you were cute, in your own special way. All of you will never be forgotten even if I forgot your last name. All of you were lucky to have met me when you did. All of you got a different nubian,because I was never the same girl with each one of you. But luckily because of all you, I was able to find ME,not necessarily in each of you but each of you brought out something different in Me,so like I said at the beginning, I'd like to thank ALL THE GUYS BEFORE ME!!

Sincerely,
"That Black Girl"

Is the black woman's hair the reason, we are amongst the most overweight in America? Hmmm...

Today I got my haircut, or this morning and I was looking fly,like real fly,if you all scooped my facebook page you know the deal!! Moving on haircut is bad,looking like fly and the reason I'm looking fly is because the cut goes with my face very cute.

So now the type of haircut I got looks cute on me because I have a certain shape face,now(this my opinion only) if I had a rounder face I don't think it would look as fly as it does. My face is pretty slim and its that way because I work-out(kickboxing class) six days a week, yes its that serious you all,I have to work at being fly!! Now all my nubians know this,water and our hair does not mix and when I do my kickboxing class I sweat, ALOT!!! You all know where I'm going with this one right?

We all know the epidemic of black women being overweight. Well I see how it happened!! Our HAIR!!! I went to the gym today after much debate on whether I wanted to sweat my hair do out. I didn't go to the gym all last week because I didn't want to sweat my perm out before I got my cut,you know how it is. I wanted to make sure the cut was going to be cute so I didn't want to sweat the perm out, everybody knows that short cuts look better with freshly permed hair. So I clearly wasn't trying to ruin it especially if I was about to spend 90 plus dollars on my head!! Uh no maam!!! Anyhow I decided I'd go to kickboxing class,I'd missed it for a week and my thighs were feeling it(not too mention showing it) so I had to go.

I get to the gym and of course there is a crowd of people waiting for Instructor Jack(the gay maybe not gay instructor,I think may have a slight crush on me due to him asking me out for drinks). I spot my kickboxing friend Katie and she informs me I didn't miss much last week since we had a sub, and the subs normally are really bad!!! I proceed upstairs to put my stuff away in the locker and I spot this fine chocolate brother,that I see often at the gym, we always exchange glances but never speak,much to my dismay,may I add. As I'm walking he is putting down the weights he is lifting,oh good Lord the chocolate man is beautiful,no wonder I have such a sweet tooth!!! He gets up to walk to a machine,that happens to be near me, he looks at me as he is walking and we exchange our normally scheduled glance,but then he smiles and says "Nice cut,it looks good on you." Umm...did he just speak to me,to tell me my cut was fly?!!! Oh yes he did!! And here I am about to go ruin it to be fit!!

I get to the class and I'm ready for some kickboxing, I love that class and I really do miss it when I don't go. I tie my hair up as the hair stylist told me to do,you know to keep the cut fly. We are about 15mins into the work out and I feel it, the water dripping down my neck and I think to myself its ok, its just water. Ssh!!! Water, is about to ruin the haircut I just got and paid a pretty penny to get,may I add. Its now 30mins into the work out and I feel my hair its soaked and then I decided it was too much!! I couldn't risk anymore water damage,so much to my dismay,I left my class feeling defeated!! My hair had trumpeted my health. As I walk out of the class and down the small set of stairs and up to the locker room, fine chocolate brother whom I exchange my normally scheduled glances with,is walking down the stairs. He looks at me,smiles,shakes his head,laughs and then says to me " couldn't risk the hair huh? Its alright cutie, its still looking fly." Now I'm sure you all are wondering what my responses have been to this fine chocolate man,the two times he has spoken to me,well there haven't been any!!! You know why because each time,he says what he has to say and keeps walking,not giving me a chance to recompose myself after having to hear his sexy voice and stare at those beautifully muscular chocolate arms(my weakness).

I leave the gym upset,defeated and bewildered all at the same time.Upset because I left my kickboxing class that I love so much. Defeated,because I knew this was only the start of a long battle that I don't know I can win. Bewildered,because for the life of me I can't figure out why I can never find the words to say to this chocolate man,I mean he is fine,but not that fine,ok maybe he is that fine. I choose to walk home instead of muni it because I didn't finish my workout I figure walking can somewhat make up for it. On my walk home I call my dad and tell him my newly discovered theory: The reason black women are amongst the most overweight because we don't want to mess up our hair!! My dad laughs and says "probably,but baby you have been working out so you don't have to work out as much as you do." Little does my father know that I love safeway chocolate cakes, Tony's Cable Car is around the corner from my house and Tony makes delicious fries and a quite tasty Chocolate and Pineapple milkshake,so yes Father I need to work out that much!

Nubians are we really letting our hair dictate our health? I mean if we aren't fit, the cut may look good,but we don't look fly!!! I just find it so hard that the moment we decide to not weave it, we realise the benefit of weaving it!! Now I know for myself I'm not trying to get my hair done once a month only to have it ruined by me trying to stay fit and fly,especially if I'm spending a pretty "fly" penny on it!! Now I don't have any suggestions, because if I did you all know I wouldn't be writing this blog as we speak. Listen,I'm by no means saying that black women's hair is the only reason we are amongst the most overweight people in America;however to answer the question,let me rephrase the question. Is the black woman's hair "part" of the reason we are amongst the most overweight in America?Mmmmmm.....I'm going to have to say Yes!

Thanks Dears and Please Come again!!
That Black Girl!!

Cree Summer-Fall