To All the guys before ME!!!

Dear Guys Chocolate and Non-Chocolate,

I'd like to thank you all for the fun times and the crappy times. Some of you were FANTASTIC kissers some of you, just AWFUL!!! A lot of you were really smart but a select few of you were extremely special ed!! 70% of you dated me for some materialistic reason but thats ok because 80% of you I dated for the same.Many of you have girlfriends,but some of you do not(please refer to last sentence). Not all of you were funny,but a couple of you were hilarious. I don't keep in touch with most of you but,some of you I'm lucky to still have around. A few of you got very lucky and the rest I'm sorry you just didn't have the golden ticket. One of you may have been gay or borderline,but that's alright you were one of my favorites. Now two of you, ok three of you, I would probably still do just about anything for,even though two of you didn't get lucky,it by no means meant you didn't have the golden ticket. Those three of you taught me how to love for the good and the bad,through the hair weaves and perms. Two of you loved me, even with the 5 extra pounds and non-predicured toes. One of the three of you was learning to love along with me and that is probably why you will always be the one I tend to take back,time in and time out. But regardless the three of you will never be replaced!!

Most of you were very fit and only one of you couldn't fit through my door(not in the literal sense). A few of you were religious but most of you were spiritual. One of you I loved to fight with because I rarely won,and I loved challenges, but hated because sometimes I think you just let me win just so I would shut up!! A handful of you, actually got close to knowing who I was,but I've never been the one to be all that I appear to be. I say one thing, and a few of you figured it out, I mean something else entirely. Some of you understood my love for politics, and some of you didn't care much for those politics or my thoughts on them.

All of you were cute, in your own special way. All of you will never be forgotten even if I forgot your last name. All of you were lucky to have met me when you did. All of you got a different nubian,because I was never the same girl with each one of you. But luckily because of all you, I was able to find ME,not necessarily in each of you but each of you brought out something different in Me,so like I said at the beginning, I'd like to thank ALL THE GUYS BEFORE ME!!

Sincerely,
"That Black Girl"

Is the black woman's hair the reason, we are amongst the most overweight in America? Hmmm...

Today I got my haircut, or this morning and I was looking fly,like real fly,if you all scooped my facebook page you know the deal!! Moving on haircut is bad,looking like fly and the reason I'm looking fly is because the cut goes with my face very cute.

So now the type of haircut I got looks cute on me because I have a certain shape face,now(this my opinion only) if I had a rounder face I don't think it would look as fly as it does. My face is pretty slim and its that way because I work-out(kickboxing class) six days a week, yes its that serious you all,I have to work at being fly!! Now all my nubians know this,water and our hair does not mix and when I do my kickboxing class I sweat, ALOT!!! You all know where I'm going with this one right?

We all know the epidemic of black women being overweight. Well I see how it happened!! Our HAIR!!! I went to the gym today after much debate on whether I wanted to sweat my hair do out. I didn't go to the gym all last week because I didn't want to sweat my perm out before I got my cut,you know how it is. I wanted to make sure the cut was going to be cute so I didn't want to sweat the perm out, everybody knows that short cuts look better with freshly permed hair. So I clearly wasn't trying to ruin it especially if I was about to spend 90 plus dollars on my head!! Uh no maam!!! Anyhow I decided I'd go to kickboxing class,I'd missed it for a week and my thighs were feeling it(not too mention showing it) so I had to go.

I get to the gym and of course there is a crowd of people waiting for Instructor Jack(the gay maybe not gay instructor,I think may have a slight crush on me due to him asking me out for drinks). I spot my kickboxing friend Katie and she informs me I didn't miss much last week since we had a sub, and the subs normally are really bad!!! I proceed upstairs to put my stuff away in the locker and I spot this fine chocolate brother,that I see often at the gym, we always exchange glances but never speak,much to my dismay,may I add. As I'm walking he is putting down the weights he is lifting,oh good Lord the chocolate man is beautiful,no wonder I have such a sweet tooth!!! He gets up to walk to a machine,that happens to be near me, he looks at me as he is walking and we exchange our normally scheduled glance,but then he smiles and says "Nice cut,it looks good on you." Umm...did he just speak to me,to tell me my cut was fly?!!! Oh yes he did!! And here I am about to go ruin it to be fit!!

I get to the class and I'm ready for some kickboxing, I love that class and I really do miss it when I don't go. I tie my hair up as the hair stylist told me to do,you know to keep the cut fly. We are about 15mins into the work out and I feel it, the water dripping down my neck and I think to myself its ok, its just water. Ssh!!! Water, is about to ruin the haircut I just got and paid a pretty penny to get,may I add. Its now 30mins into the work out and I feel my hair its soaked and then I decided it was too much!! I couldn't risk anymore water damage,so much to my dismay,I left my class feeling defeated!! My hair had trumpeted my health. As I walk out of the class and down the small set of stairs and up to the locker room, fine chocolate brother whom I exchange my normally scheduled glances with,is walking down the stairs. He looks at me,smiles,shakes his head,laughs and then says to me " couldn't risk the hair huh? Its alright cutie, its still looking fly." Now I'm sure you all are wondering what my responses have been to this fine chocolate man,the two times he has spoken to me,well there haven't been any!!! You know why because each time,he says what he has to say and keeps walking,not giving me a chance to recompose myself after having to hear his sexy voice and stare at those beautifully muscular chocolate arms(my weakness).

I leave the gym upset,defeated and bewildered all at the same time.Upset because I left my kickboxing class that I love so much. Defeated,because I knew this was only the start of a long battle that I don't know I can win. Bewildered,because for the life of me I can't figure out why I can never find the words to say to this chocolate man,I mean he is fine,but not that fine,ok maybe he is that fine. I choose to walk home instead of muni it because I didn't finish my workout I figure walking can somewhat make up for it. On my walk home I call my dad and tell him my newly discovered theory: The reason black women are amongst the most overweight because we don't want to mess up our hair!! My dad laughs and says "probably,but baby you have been working out so you don't have to work out as much as you do." Little does my father know that I love safeway chocolate cakes, Tony's Cable Car is around the corner from my house and Tony makes delicious fries and a quite tasty Chocolate and Pineapple milkshake,so yes Father I need to work out that much!

Nubians are we really letting our hair dictate our health? I mean if we aren't fit, the cut may look good,but we don't look fly!!! I just find it so hard that the moment we decide to not weave it, we realise the benefit of weaving it!! Now I know for myself I'm not trying to get my hair done once a month only to have it ruined by me trying to stay fit and fly,especially if I'm spending a pretty "fly" penny on it!! Now I don't have any suggestions, because if I did you all know I wouldn't be writing this blog as we speak. Listen,I'm by no means saying that black women's hair is the only reason we are amongst the most overweight people in America;however to answer the question,let me rephrase the question. Is the black woman's hair "part" of the reason we are amongst the most overweight in America?Mmmmmm.....I'm going to have to say Yes!

Thanks Dears and Please Come again!!
That Black Girl!!

Cree Summer-Fall

"Everything isn't timing, Everyone is always evolving"

I've just spent the entire day with my Mom,my grandmother and my stepdad's family it was great!! I love my mother!! However that has nothing to do with this blog entry,just wanted to say so if(when) my mother reads this she will know that I loved every moment of the craziness because I got to share it with her.

Now on with the blog entry. Someone made a comment on one of my blogs that everything is timing and he is correct. Now he is also someone I used to date that didn't go the way I would have wanted things to go but its alright everything happens for a reason and in its right time,right? Or could it have just been that my time with him was up? Listen I get everything is timing and faith but this comment came from the same guy that said if you want something you have to make it happen.So you understand my confusion when he says everything is timing.I'd like to make it clear that I'm not upset that he commented on my blog,because I asked him to, and I'm really glad that he is a cool enough guy to do so upon request. As I pondered his comment I started to think about timing, in relationships and how the contexts of "timing" differs between male and females.

When guys say "Timing" they are basically saying they aren't ready for a relationship or they just aren't ready for a relationship with you. Now I'm not a man,but from what I get from my chocolate and non-chocolate male friends that's what it means. I've known guys that have told women the "timing" just wasn't right and a week later they fall head over heels for some girl, and a year later they are married to the girl they met right after "the not the right timing" girl. I mean lets just keep it 100 you didn't like her that much or enough to want to be ready.

Now for women timing is the same but regarded different. We look at timing and think, I'm not totally happy with myself or I just don't know if I can commit at the moment,or we think he just isn't the right one for me so why waste my time on him. This is where men and women's maturity levels differ,women are able to vocalise they aren't ready men just aren't!!!

As I'm writing this blog,I'm thinking about timing,and how it really does have a lot to do with everything,both spiritually and physically.It brings me to particular guy I met,whom was an amazing chocolate brother,intelligent,social and just a good brother all around. We met on the muni the year I graduated from college. We didn't exchange numbers because I of course being the semi-sadiddy nubian that I am,I wasn't going to give my number to someone on the bus(I was on the bus as well,so really what made me think I was any better them him,God only knows). However I told him my name and that I was on facebook,so the next day I had a facebook friend request from this chocolate man,a week or so later we exchanged numbers and we ended up meeting up probably a month or two later,it turned out he lived down the street from me. We met up at this coffee shop,he had in his hand a small cup of hazelnut hot chocolate and a bag of stale doughnut holes!!! We walked and talked but for the life of me I just could not get into the brother and I think he understood that,so that night was the last time I saw him or really spoke to him for awhile. I'd say three months later we started talking more frequently on facebook and then I moved.

Its now 8months-a year later from when we had first met up with the hot chocolate and stale doughnuts, we met again in Oakland. This time our meeting was the complete opposite, I was fascinated by everything he was saying the conversation was electric and I was like a sponge just soaking up everything he had to say and I definitely wanted to see him again.

Why was it so different? Well the fine chocolate brother that was once mine,that commented on my blog post was correct in saying everything is timing.However I feel like timing sounds so calculating and cold, we aren't science projects in a dish being timed,to see when we will change, we are human with spirits and minds. I was a different person when I first met hot chocolate and stale doughnut chocolate brother,I had different ideas,my heart was in a different place. My mind was transitioning into where it is now, my soul was in the process of soaring high to the heavenly skies,there was no way that I could see pass what was happening to me,to focus on someone else.

People evolve and thats what makes us beautifully human,you can like something and love it later,love something and like it later, it all depends on how are you evolving. So "Everything isn't timing, Everyone is always evolving"!

Thanks Dears and do come again!!
"That black girl"

Bishop Paul S. Morton & PJ - Let Go, Let God

I'm For Me!!

Its Tuesday morning, and I've watched the last hour of Polly(only one of greatest movies ever made) again on my DVR. As I'm writing my blog, I have friends that have read it ask me why I'm saying its so hard to find chocolate men in the city,especially since I always tend to be talking to a different guy? Or they say, well you just need to spend more time in the East Bay(Oakland).

Alright, I feel I should give you a brief overview of my dating experiences with chocolate men in both San Francisco and Oakland. So where shall I start...hmm...lets start with my chocolate man experience, the wide receiver at City College of San Francisco,he was a very fine piece of chocolate with a southern swagger, boy I was head over heels for him. However it turned out, he needed to know where I was every single second and breathe of my day,to the point where, this fool was calling me at 3am, and getting mad when I didn't answer because I was sleep!!! Mmm...no sir, he was fine, but not that fine!! But thankfully he has changed we spoke recently and he is doing great. The next one I met while he was doing some work for my grandmother, now that one was tricky,he was chocolate alright and I'll admit, I loved the man, and part of me still and always will. Now my issue with this chocolate brother was, he couldn't get himself together, and we all know the saying "I Can Do Bad By Myself". It wasn't even that I minded working together to get where we needed to be it was just he wasn't even trying to be anywhere.

The next few chocolate men I'm going to mention are just chocolate men that I established relationship with but never quite took off. There was the fine 24hr Fitness brother,college basketball player at UNLV and pure fineness he was,but fineness only goes so far, he couldn't seem to pull himself away from the "sushi" type so it wasn't going anywhere. Then there was the chocolate brother with the huge Afro, that worked in the politics,smoked a lot of weed but was always on some conscious stuff, which I loved, but I just couldn't get with the fact that he smoked all day, and all night. Then there was the chocolate man, that was my boy from work,now we alway flirted but I don't think I ever really made it clear that I liked him,ultimately he became a cuddle buddie. Our issue, well I'm not really sure,but I know he was good people and thankfully he is still around,happy and finally has a girl that is treating him right. Then there was the fine and mean fine chocolate brother I met online(yes I tried, and NO I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!) boy was on point,job,lifestyle,the education and good LORD the body was just to die for, I thought hey this could work out,but my gut told me something wasn't right. What was it you ask that wasn't right,well I really couldn't tell you, I know on my end, I broke couple of rules that at the time I wish I hadn't but looking back, I'm thankful I did. Had I not broken those rules I wouldn't have known what I know now,that I'm worth way more than what he thought I was.

I could go on and talk about the other chocolate men I've met in San Francisco and in Oakland,but the fact remains, is this: for every chocolate man I've dated, I've dated three non-chocolate men. I want to make it clear that I have no problem with dating other types of men,but at 29 almost 30 I've dated, been there and done that and at the end of the night I want a man that is going look at me see himself. I am not saying I'm in a rush to get married or I feel sorry for myself because I'm single no, I'm over that. I will admit there was a time when every guy I met I thought of as potential mates but I've learned through numerous experiences that every man just doesn't have "potential" and you know what? Its ok because I'm just not for everyone! I'm for God and I'm for me!!!


Thanks Dears and please do come back!
"That Black Girl"