Learning to Fly Again

At this very moment I'm sitting at the kitchen table, in my mother's kitchen,listening to "The Rain Doesn't Last Forever" by Hope,thinking to myself,oh good God what have I gotten myself into. When I made the decision to move back home, there were so many factors involved,one being a guy and that was my mistake, and something I will learn from. In all honestly, I knew months ago that inevitably I'd be right back here at least for six months. I could have stayed in San Francisco and kept my busy social calendar and continued to network and make connections but what good would it have been, if I could never get myself out debt? I could have continued to ignore the bill collectors but where would that have gotten me,but deeper inthe hole I dug for myself,trying to keep up with "the Karshadians". I stayed in SF because my pride wouldn't let me come home and admit that I had messed up,because I was hard-headed and choose not to listen to the advice people gave me when I was in my early twenties.

Understand that at one point I was making very good money but choose not to save it as I should have. Now,Dionne Farris's "Hopeless" plays in the background and two particular verses blares in mind:

"Hello Yesterday, I sure need you now
Goodbye Yesterday, I just can't stay around
You see I cried just a little too long
And now it's time for me to be strong

Hello Yesterday, Remember how it used to be?
Goodbye Yesterday yea, I can't take you with me - no, no, no, I can't
You see I stayed just a little too long
And now it's time for me to move on"

Those are the words of a person that regrets their past decisions but has learned from them. They have made the choice to move on from their mistakes and be strong and take what they learned and apply those lessons to future choices. I can't say that I regret the amazing 11yrs I spent in SF or even the 2months wasted on a guy, that I thought was worth more than he turned out to be. I don't regret them at all, do I wish I hadn't been so hard-headed earlier on and listened to the advice I got from others?Yes. And of course I wish I had gone with my first instincts about this guy, at least I would have had another whole month I could have spent in San Francisco.

In the end, as I sit here writing this post, I think about the kind of person I used to be and the person I am now and I couldn't ask,nor would I want to be, anyone else than the person I am right now at this very moment. I wouldn't want to have been anywhere else than the places I've been. I can't take back the mistakes I made due to my hard-headness....lol. But what I can do is live up to the woman I am today and admit my past mistakes and fix what I can, to make sure my future isn't full of those same mistakes. And I am doing that right now. I hate being back home,in living in my parents home,not because I don't love them,but because I feel as though I've been stripped of my independence, something I worked hard to establish for 11yrs. But what I love even more than I hate having to coming home, is that I was able to put my pride aside and take the steps I needed to create a better life for myself. The reason I love that more than anything, is because It tells me that I'm finally comfortable enough in the woman that I am to understand that sometimes you have to step back to move forward and I have complete faith in myself and in God's Plan for me that I WILL BE JUST FINE!! As I conclude this post, Fantasia's "Even Angels" plays in the background,":

"First step
take a deep breath
you don't need a reason why
you can
you can
take take time
you can
you can
walk, run, dive
Close call
think you might fall
but all you gotta do is try
even angels
even angels
learn to fly "

Thanks Love,come again!
Sincerely,
THAT BLACK GIRL

Let Frogs be Frogs and Princes be A**holes!! And Go Out and find yourself!!

"Instead of making a list for an ideal man, make a list of what you feel
the ideal woman should be and make sure you fit the profile before
critiquing someone else. Never... require what you can’t give in return."-Clutch Magazine Online. I know its been awhile since I've written but this quote really struck a cord with me. Most of us,women, have grown up with the Disney movies and the "Chick Flicks" that tell us that our prince charming is out there and that we may need to kiss a few frogs or possibly find a frog and he'll turn into a prince after a few of our kisses. OH COME ON!!! GET WITH IT!! Ladies maybe the guy is ok with just being a frog and he doesn't want some,self proclaimed(by herself and her daddy) Princess try to turn him into her Prince. Not only that but its quite a daunting task for a princess,I'm just saying. And it would seem to me that hoping to turn a frog into a prince is quite similar to settling, and haven't they always told us NOT TO SETTLE?!!

Now lets talk about these so-called "Princes". First of all, if you go out looking for a Prince believe me you won't find him!! Yes gurl I know!! I've found these so-called "princes" and yeah brothas were fine!!! They were smart, had the finances, the job, the degrees, they got it all. One problem, these men know they got all that!! They also know that us women are looking for that Prince Charming so don't get it twisted,if you think you are getting played by this "Prince" umm...girl...YOU ARE!! And lets keep it 100, these so-called "Princes" they aren't going to regret it when you are gone. You know why because, they know there is another "you",by that I mean self-proclaimed princess looking for her prince, out there.

I'm not giving anyone relationship advice because I'm the last one to give that, I'm awful at committed relationships,hell I'm kind of bad at uncommitted relationships. But I'm bad at those by choice. But over the years the relationship that has approved the most is the one I have with myself. And as that relationship approved I noticed the other relationships approved as well.I was fortunate enough to meet a very nice young man a few years ago,but unfortunately the relationship I had with myself wasn't very good so I only saw him in terms of "Prince or Frog". He is no Frog nor is he a Prince,but he is just fine being exactly who he is, a nice young man.

I suggest we all let go(or at least try) of this idea of the Prince and The Frog. Despite what pop culture and Disney would like us to think, frogs are AMPHIBIANS and if you kiss them you risk getting a pretty nasty rash and princes either wear ALOT OF PURPLE or exist in countries that are NOT AMERICA!!

Honestly not Honest in an Ideal World

So Honestly I can say that I only want to be with sexy chocolate men, But to be honest,it's impossible!!! Ideally yes, I'd like to marry a beautiful chocolate man,but life is far from ideal,which is why life is so much fun!!! Honestly I love everything about black men,their swagger,voice,skin,lips,everything. But to be honest I really do love all men, hints why I've dated just about every race, I mean why not? It's fun,I have fun and learn more about this non-ideal world. I once dated this guy,gorgeous,Viking type tall,redish brown hair,rode a motorcycle,so hot!! We dated for about 3 months,however he had liked me for a two years. Before we started dated,he said to me "you are still searching." I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't really know what he wasn't talking about until maybe a month ago. You see I've been in this "only dating black men" phase. Now anyone who knows me,knows that, for me to do that would be damn near impossible. The more I think about it,the more I realize how closed-minded I've been and become. I love black people, I love being black, I honestly do and to be honest, think black is the most beautiful color skin on the face of this earth,but I also think that LOVE is the best feeling on the face of this earth.

Lets be real, life is way too short to have all these restrictions. Honestly I've found that my life was much more fun and exciting when I had less restrictions. But to be honest, I got myself into quite a few pickles with less restrictions. What i've learned recently though, is this, I can be controlled without having restrictions, as long as I understand that really ultimately I'm not in control. Honestly to be honest, I rather not be in so much control of my life,because that takes too much fun out of it. This particular posting was sparked by a very handsome viking type guy I met the other night and hopefully will meet again.

I know that I'm always complaining about not being able to find a beautiful chocolate man in the city of San Francisco. Though it's true a beautiful chocolate man is hard to come by in the city of San Francisco,but it by no means, means that a good guy is hard to come by in the city of San Francisco.


So though, ideally, I'd like to marry a nicely built chocolate man and have beautiful chocolate babies. I've come to the conclusion nothing in life is ideal.Because no one person is the exact idea of what they'd like to be in this life. And Lets face it folks,there is nothing "ideal" about this nubian in the city.

Thanks Dears and Do come again
That Black Girl!

To All the guys before ME!!!

Dear Guys Chocolate and Non-Chocolate,

I'd like to thank you all for the fun times and the crappy times. Some of you were FANTASTIC kissers some of you, just AWFUL!!! A lot of you were really smart but a select few of you were extremely special ed!! 70% of you dated me for some materialistic reason but thats ok because 80% of you I dated for the same.Many of you have girlfriends,but some of you do not(please refer to last sentence). Not all of you were funny,but a couple of you were hilarious. I don't keep in touch with most of you but,some of you I'm lucky to still have around. A few of you got very lucky and the rest I'm sorry you just didn't have the golden ticket. One of you may have been gay or borderline,but that's alright you were one of my favorites. Now two of you, ok three of you, I would probably still do just about anything for,even though two of you didn't get lucky,it by no means meant you didn't have the golden ticket. Those three of you taught me how to love for the good and the bad,through the hair weaves and perms. Two of you loved me, even with the 5 extra pounds and non-predicured toes. One of the three of you was learning to love along with me and that is probably why you will always be the one I tend to take back,time in and time out. But regardless the three of you will never be replaced!!

Most of you were very fit and only one of you couldn't fit through my door(not in the literal sense). A few of you were religious but most of you were spiritual. One of you I loved to fight with because I rarely won,and I loved challenges, but hated because sometimes I think you just let me win just so I would shut up!! A handful of you, actually got close to knowing who I was,but I've never been the one to be all that I appear to be. I say one thing, and a few of you figured it out, I mean something else entirely. Some of you understood my love for politics, and some of you didn't care much for those politics or my thoughts on them.

All of you were cute, in your own special way. All of you will never be forgotten even if I forgot your last name. All of you were lucky to have met me when you did. All of you got a different nubian,because I was never the same girl with each one of you. But luckily because of all you, I was able to find ME,not necessarily in each of you but each of you brought out something different in Me,so like I said at the beginning, I'd like to thank ALL THE GUYS BEFORE ME!!

Sincerely,
"That Black Girl"

Is the black woman's hair the reason, we are amongst the most overweight in America? Hmmm...

Today I got my haircut, or this morning and I was looking fly,like real fly,if you all scooped my facebook page you know the deal!! Moving on haircut is bad,looking like fly and the reason I'm looking fly is because the cut goes with my face very cute.

So now the type of haircut I got looks cute on me because I have a certain shape face,now(this my opinion only) if I had a rounder face I don't think it would look as fly as it does. My face is pretty slim and its that way because I work-out(kickboxing class) six days a week, yes its that serious you all,I have to work at being fly!! Now all my nubians know this,water and our hair does not mix and when I do my kickboxing class I sweat, ALOT!!! You all know where I'm going with this one right?

We all know the epidemic of black women being overweight. Well I see how it happened!! Our HAIR!!! I went to the gym today after much debate on whether I wanted to sweat my hair do out. I didn't go to the gym all last week because I didn't want to sweat my perm out before I got my cut,you know how it is. I wanted to make sure the cut was going to be cute so I didn't want to sweat the perm out, everybody knows that short cuts look better with freshly permed hair. So I clearly wasn't trying to ruin it especially if I was about to spend 90 plus dollars on my head!! Uh no maam!!! Anyhow I decided I'd go to kickboxing class,I'd missed it for a week and my thighs were feeling it(not too mention showing it) so I had to go.

I get to the gym and of course there is a crowd of people waiting for Instructor Jack(the gay maybe not gay instructor,I think may have a slight crush on me due to him asking me out for drinks). I spot my kickboxing friend Katie and she informs me I didn't miss much last week since we had a sub, and the subs normally are really bad!!! I proceed upstairs to put my stuff away in the locker and I spot this fine chocolate brother,that I see often at the gym, we always exchange glances but never speak,much to my dismay,may I add. As I'm walking he is putting down the weights he is lifting,oh good Lord the chocolate man is beautiful,no wonder I have such a sweet tooth!!! He gets up to walk to a machine,that happens to be near me, he looks at me as he is walking and we exchange our normally scheduled glance,but then he smiles and says "Nice cut,it looks good on you." Umm...did he just speak to me,to tell me my cut was fly?!!! Oh yes he did!! And here I am about to go ruin it to be fit!!

I get to the class and I'm ready for some kickboxing, I love that class and I really do miss it when I don't go. I tie my hair up as the hair stylist told me to do,you know to keep the cut fly. We are about 15mins into the work out and I feel it, the water dripping down my neck and I think to myself its ok, its just water. Ssh!!! Water, is about to ruin the haircut I just got and paid a pretty penny to get,may I add. Its now 30mins into the work out and I feel my hair its soaked and then I decided it was too much!! I couldn't risk anymore water damage,so much to my dismay,I left my class feeling defeated!! My hair had trumpeted my health. As I walk out of the class and down the small set of stairs and up to the locker room, fine chocolate brother whom I exchange my normally scheduled glances with,is walking down the stairs. He looks at me,smiles,shakes his head,laughs and then says to me " couldn't risk the hair huh? Its alright cutie, its still looking fly." Now I'm sure you all are wondering what my responses have been to this fine chocolate man,the two times he has spoken to me,well there haven't been any!!! You know why because each time,he says what he has to say and keeps walking,not giving me a chance to recompose myself after having to hear his sexy voice and stare at those beautifully muscular chocolate arms(my weakness).

I leave the gym upset,defeated and bewildered all at the same time.Upset because I left my kickboxing class that I love so much. Defeated,because I knew this was only the start of a long battle that I don't know I can win. Bewildered,because for the life of me I can't figure out why I can never find the words to say to this chocolate man,I mean he is fine,but not that fine,ok maybe he is that fine. I choose to walk home instead of muni it because I didn't finish my workout I figure walking can somewhat make up for it. On my walk home I call my dad and tell him my newly discovered theory: The reason black women are amongst the most overweight because we don't want to mess up our hair!! My dad laughs and says "probably,but baby you have been working out so you don't have to work out as much as you do." Little does my father know that I love safeway chocolate cakes, Tony's Cable Car is around the corner from my house and Tony makes delicious fries and a quite tasty Chocolate and Pineapple milkshake,so yes Father I need to work out that much!

Nubians are we really letting our hair dictate our health? I mean if we aren't fit, the cut may look good,but we don't look fly!!! I just find it so hard that the moment we decide to not weave it, we realise the benefit of weaving it!! Now I know for myself I'm not trying to get my hair done once a month only to have it ruined by me trying to stay fit and fly,especially if I'm spending a pretty "fly" penny on it!! Now I don't have any suggestions, because if I did you all know I wouldn't be writing this blog as we speak. Listen,I'm by no means saying that black women's hair is the only reason we are amongst the most overweight people in America;however to answer the question,let me rephrase the question. Is the black woman's hair "part" of the reason we are amongst the most overweight in America?Mmmmmm.....I'm going to have to say Yes!

Thanks Dears and Please Come again!!
That Black Girl!!

Cree Summer-Fall

"Everything isn't timing, Everyone is always evolving"

I've just spent the entire day with my Mom,my grandmother and my stepdad's family it was great!! I love my mother!! However that has nothing to do with this blog entry,just wanted to say so if(when) my mother reads this she will know that I loved every moment of the craziness because I got to share it with her.

Now on with the blog entry. Someone made a comment on one of my blogs that everything is timing and he is correct. Now he is also someone I used to date that didn't go the way I would have wanted things to go but its alright everything happens for a reason and in its right time,right? Or could it have just been that my time with him was up? Listen I get everything is timing and faith but this comment came from the same guy that said if you want something you have to make it happen.So you understand my confusion when he says everything is timing.I'd like to make it clear that I'm not upset that he commented on my blog,because I asked him to, and I'm really glad that he is a cool enough guy to do so upon request. As I pondered his comment I started to think about timing, in relationships and how the contexts of "timing" differs between male and females.

When guys say "Timing" they are basically saying they aren't ready for a relationship or they just aren't ready for a relationship with you. Now I'm not a man,but from what I get from my chocolate and non-chocolate male friends that's what it means. I've known guys that have told women the "timing" just wasn't right and a week later they fall head over heels for some girl, and a year later they are married to the girl they met right after "the not the right timing" girl. I mean lets just keep it 100 you didn't like her that much or enough to want to be ready.

Now for women timing is the same but regarded different. We look at timing and think, I'm not totally happy with myself or I just don't know if I can commit at the moment,or we think he just isn't the right one for me so why waste my time on him. This is where men and women's maturity levels differ,women are able to vocalise they aren't ready men just aren't!!!

As I'm writing this blog,I'm thinking about timing,and how it really does have a lot to do with everything,both spiritually and physically.It brings me to particular guy I met,whom was an amazing chocolate brother,intelligent,social and just a good brother all around. We met on the muni the year I graduated from college. We didn't exchange numbers because I of course being the semi-sadiddy nubian that I am,I wasn't going to give my number to someone on the bus(I was on the bus as well,so really what made me think I was any better them him,God only knows). However I told him my name and that I was on facebook,so the next day I had a facebook friend request from this chocolate man,a week or so later we exchanged numbers and we ended up meeting up probably a month or two later,it turned out he lived down the street from me. We met up at this coffee shop,he had in his hand a small cup of hazelnut hot chocolate and a bag of stale doughnut holes!!! We walked and talked but for the life of me I just could not get into the brother and I think he understood that,so that night was the last time I saw him or really spoke to him for awhile. I'd say three months later we started talking more frequently on facebook and then I moved.

Its now 8months-a year later from when we had first met up with the hot chocolate and stale doughnuts, we met again in Oakland. This time our meeting was the complete opposite, I was fascinated by everything he was saying the conversation was electric and I was like a sponge just soaking up everything he had to say and I definitely wanted to see him again.

Why was it so different? Well the fine chocolate brother that was once mine,that commented on my blog post was correct in saying everything is timing.However I feel like timing sounds so calculating and cold, we aren't science projects in a dish being timed,to see when we will change, we are human with spirits and minds. I was a different person when I first met hot chocolate and stale doughnut chocolate brother,I had different ideas,my heart was in a different place. My mind was transitioning into where it is now, my soul was in the process of soaring high to the heavenly skies,there was no way that I could see pass what was happening to me,to focus on someone else.

People evolve and thats what makes us beautifully human,you can like something and love it later,love something and like it later, it all depends on how are you evolving. So "Everything isn't timing, Everyone is always evolving"!

Thanks Dears and do come again!!
"That black girl"

Bishop Paul S. Morton & PJ - Let Go, Let God

I'm For Me!!

Its Tuesday morning, and I've watched the last hour of Polly(only one of greatest movies ever made) again on my DVR. As I'm writing my blog, I have friends that have read it ask me why I'm saying its so hard to find chocolate men in the city,especially since I always tend to be talking to a different guy? Or they say, well you just need to spend more time in the East Bay(Oakland).

Alright, I feel I should give you a brief overview of my dating experiences with chocolate men in both San Francisco and Oakland. So where shall I start...hmm...lets start with my chocolate man experience, the wide receiver at City College of San Francisco,he was a very fine piece of chocolate with a southern swagger, boy I was head over heels for him. However it turned out, he needed to know where I was every single second and breathe of my day,to the point where, this fool was calling me at 3am, and getting mad when I didn't answer because I was sleep!!! Mmm...no sir, he was fine, but not that fine!! But thankfully he has changed we spoke recently and he is doing great. The next one I met while he was doing some work for my grandmother, now that one was tricky,he was chocolate alright and I'll admit, I loved the man, and part of me still and always will. Now my issue with this chocolate brother was, he couldn't get himself together, and we all know the saying "I Can Do Bad By Myself". It wasn't even that I minded working together to get where we needed to be it was just he wasn't even trying to be anywhere.

The next few chocolate men I'm going to mention are just chocolate men that I established relationship with but never quite took off. There was the fine 24hr Fitness brother,college basketball player at UNLV and pure fineness he was,but fineness only goes so far, he couldn't seem to pull himself away from the "sushi" type so it wasn't going anywhere. Then there was the chocolate brother with the huge Afro, that worked in the politics,smoked a lot of weed but was always on some conscious stuff, which I loved, but I just couldn't get with the fact that he smoked all day, and all night. Then there was the chocolate man, that was my boy from work,now we alway flirted but I don't think I ever really made it clear that I liked him,ultimately he became a cuddle buddie. Our issue, well I'm not really sure,but I know he was good people and thankfully he is still around,happy and finally has a girl that is treating him right. Then there was the fine and mean fine chocolate brother I met online(yes I tried, and NO I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!) boy was on point,job,lifestyle,the education and good LORD the body was just to die for, I thought hey this could work out,but my gut told me something wasn't right. What was it you ask that wasn't right,well I really couldn't tell you, I know on my end, I broke couple of rules that at the time I wish I hadn't but looking back, I'm thankful I did. Had I not broken those rules I wouldn't have known what I know now,that I'm worth way more than what he thought I was.

I could go on and talk about the other chocolate men I've met in San Francisco and in Oakland,but the fact remains, is this: for every chocolate man I've dated, I've dated three non-chocolate men. I want to make it clear that I have no problem with dating other types of men,but at 29 almost 30 I've dated, been there and done that and at the end of the night I want a man that is going look at me see himself. I am not saying I'm in a rush to get married or I feel sorry for myself because I'm single no, I'm over that. I will admit there was a time when every guy I met I thought of as potential mates but I've learned through numerous experiences that every man just doesn't have "potential" and you know what? Its ok because I'm just not for everyone! I'm for God and I'm for me!!!


Thanks Dears and please do come back!
"That Black Girl"

Teena Marie - Ooh La La La (Audio Only)

Instant Gratification in a Digital World

Recently I was recommended by the woman I do research work for, to another woman to do some extra web work. The work was simple, I just needed to to make a few e-files and write a summary or two for the files and I was done. Simple right? Of course it was not to mention I was getting paid 35/hr. So I did 13hrs of work which added up to $455 dollars. It was great!! I finished the work on Wednesday and she said would send the check that same day( she lives in New Mexico).

Its Monday and no check, I had already factored the funds into my budget for this month so I needed it to make rent. I decided to send her a quick email. She replied within minutes,it turned out she had actually sent the check on Friday,but if I needed it right away we could use PayPal. Now me never having used PayPal, I was a bit reluctant. However I was more concerned about rent being paid and cellphone not being turned off, so I opted for PayPal. Mind you while setting up my now defunct PayPal account,I had this feeling that maybe the check would probably come today and I should just be patient,but my worries over rent being paid won out. And besides I'd get my money right away,right?

PayPal account is all set-up,I receive an email notification that I had money in my account. I was so excited, I couldn't wait to get my $455,so I switched from my facebook page to my PayPal account,and there it is my $455. I click on confirm transfer, still so excited that I was getting paid $455 for 13hrs of simple work,that allowed me to be on facebook and on Young Black and Fabulous at the same time, it was done. And then the page reloaded and I noticed it, $441.50 has been transferred into your account, it should be available to you by the 30th of April. WHAT?!!! $441.50, April 30th!!!

Now I'm sure all of you can imagine my surprise and understand my mere disappointment. What had happen here, the purpose of PayPal was to receive money instantly right,and it was free, at least that what the website had said. For those of you that are like me and don't use PayPal, you should know that anytime you are sent money, PayPal takes 2.9% of it. So I'm really upset that they short-changed me $14 and I won't get my money for another two days depending on my bank. Now me not having read the fine print, I call PayPal to ask them where my money is and why its short $14 dollars. And of course they explain to me why I'm short $14 dollars and why its going to take that long to get my money.

I hang up the phone defeated,and wishing I had just waited for the check to come since she had already sent it. I knew when I was setting up that PayPal account that I would probably get it within the next day or so,but our need(ok my greed) for INSTANT GRATIFICATION IN A DIGITAL WORLD got the best of me. What made matters even worse for me was that I got the check in the mail that day!!!

You see folks I'm not mad that I got my money two days later and $14 dollars short, I'm mad because I was consumed with greed. Why was I consumed with greed because, and yes I will blame it on society, this digital world has made everything available at the tip our fingers,thus reducing any kind of patience we may have had,and conned us into to thinking its free,when really folks just like you and I, the digital world needs to make its MONEY as well.

"That Black Girl" and Single in the City

So lets just start with me. I'm 29,black, educated, funny(ok sarcastic),cute(I'm mean that is what my parents have told me) and yes you guessed it SINGLE!!

Everyone always talks about single women and living in San Francisco and how they have slim picking. Well if single women in the city have slim picking,than black single women in the city are dang near almost out of luck!!

I've lived in this great city for 10 years and out those 10years I've dated many, many, many men.Let me clarify that dating does not mean having sexual encounters.I've had a great time dating these many,many,many men. They were great and mostly all non-black, let me say this I love all people and every living creature God has created is beautiful,but I have a weakness for beautiful chocolate men. I was never bothered by the fact that most of the men I had dated were not black,that is until I spent a year in Atlanta and my frequent trips to "Chocolate City" (DC), I suppose that it spoiled me.

I moved here at 19 a free spirited black girl,that didn't want to be "that black girl" that attended "that black girl" college and at "that black girl" college met her future husband at "that black boy" college,nor did I want to be in "that black girl" sorority. I didn't want any of this because I had spent 12 years(dating back to my days in etiquette school which was ran by one of "those black girl's" sororities) trying to be so different from it all and in San Francisco I was able to do just that.

I loved the many,many,many men I dated, they weren't all great but each served their purpose for me to learn about myself. I dated a Muslim, a Filipino, a Viking, a German, several Italians,many Latinos, had a run in(kissing session) with a Greek,got unlucky with an Irish, my english corrected by a Brit, a few arguments with a Russian Jew, a rendezvous with a Chinese and I could go on forever,but you see where I'm going with this,right? It was all fun and I enjoyed most of it but then at 23 I decided I wanted to attend college.

Finally after spending several years at city college ruining my 3.5 high school g.p.a. I wasn't sure if I was ready to attend "that black girl" college,so I choose to attend the college next to "that black girl" college. Though it has put me in the hole 35,000 dollars,that one year I did attend that college,more than enough made up for it in life experience and the friendships that were made.

It was then that my love for black men was solidified. It was there that I did indeed meet my IBM(Ideal Black Man) who did in fact graduate from "that black boy" college and he was everything my family would have liked him to be. I suppose had I attended "that black girl" college as planned after high school graduation, things would have turned out differently but I can't say they turned out wrong or bad in any way. After spending a year in Atlanta and few trips to "Chocolate City" one can understand my disappointment upon returning to The City by the Bay. I return to San Francisco after seeing nothing but black people and beautiful black people at that,only to find very few black people and not so beautiful at that(yes I know it sounds a bet sadiddy). I started to think back to when I first moved here and how I didn't notice how very few black people there are in San Francisco. But then maybe it didn't occur to me because my free-spirit and open-mind never saw people as colors but just as people. Somehow living in Atlanta and visiting DC,had made me want to be around people that looked like me, didn't necessarily think like myself but understood where I was coming from.

I wrote this introduction so all of you who decide to check out my blog will understand where I am coming from. I'm the black girl that didn't want to be "that black girl" but somehow ended up becoming "that black girl" and I don't feel bad about it nor am I ashamed of being "that black girl". The issue I had with "that black girl" was that she didn't know who she was outside of being "that black girl" she allowed her family to dictate her life decisions,but what I love about "that black girl" is that she loves who she Is whether some think she is "the whitest black girl".She embraces her blackness with grace, her beauty isn't necessarily her physique like so many would like to think it is,but it's the way she carries herself when other talk down to her, how she speaks when she has something to share,but her true beauty is that she never saw herself as "that black girl" to her she is just a nubian beauty making the best out of everything God has given her and loving her life what it is now,not what it once was.

So when you read my blog entries keep in mind all that has been written about "that black girl" and remember the confusion you may have felt while reading my initial blog entry that is full of contradictions.

Enjoy & Please do come back!!
"That Black Girl"